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2Do you get jealous easily?
Sam
Hello. This is 6 Minute English from BBC Learning English. I’m Sam.
Neil
And I’m Neil.
Sam
Your friend, Alicia, phoned and left you a message for you, Neil. She’s sorry but
she has to cancel lunch today. I think she’s going with Jenny, instead.
Neil
That’s the third time this week they’ve had lunch together! Are they best friends
now?
Sam
It sounds like Neil has a case of the green-eyed monster, in other words, jealousy
– the fear that someone else may take something you think is yours. Humans have
struggled with jealousy for thousands of years. Jealousy damages friendships,
destroys relationships, and can even become a motive for murder.
Neil
In this programme, we’ll discuss jealousy to find out happens when the green-eyed
monster raises its ugly head. And, as usual, we’ll be learning some useful new
vocabulary. Meanwhile, my friend Alicia will be having lunch with Jenny instead of
me...
Sam
Feeling jealous is no fun. Maybe this question will take your mind off it. The
expression ‘the green-eyed monster’ comes from a speech in one of William
Shakespeare’s most famous plays, but which one? Is it:
a) Romeo and Juliet?
b) Hamlet? or,
c) Othello?
Neil
I think the answer is Othello.
Sam
OK, Neil. I’ll reveal the answer later in the programme. For many people, feelings
of jealousy occur in romantic relationships. Here psychologist, Dr Alex Mielke,
explains why to BBC World Service programme, CrowdScience.
Dr Alex Mielke
So you have a friend, a significant other, your parents... and you have the feeling
that this relationship is threatened by someone else starting some form of
relationship with them, starting a new friendship, you know, flirting with them and
so on, which is different from envy, for example, which is probably the emotion
that gets you to act when someone has something you want and you have to
somehow get that from them – that’s when you feel envious.
Neil
Jealousy can be a problem for husbands and wives, boyfriends and girlfriends, or
anyone involved in a romantic relationship. Dr Mielke uses the term, significant
other, to describe any kind of romantic partner who you have a long-term
relationship with.
Sam
You might feel jealous if someone flirts with your partner. Flirting is when you
behave as if you are sexually attracted to someone but in a playful way rather than
with serious intentions.
Neil
Dr Mielke also notes the difference between two words people often confuse:
jealousy, and a similar term, envy - wanting what someone else has. You could be
envious of someone’s possessions like a new car, their achievements like
promotion at work, or a personal quality like being funny or good-looking.
Sam
So, jealousy involves three people – you, your loved one, and someone else -
whereas envy involves just two - you and the person who has something you want.
But while these emotions are easy to define, they can be very difficult to manage.
Neil
Jealousy can lead to controlling behaviour, like checking your partner’s text
messages or monitoring who they see, behaviour which damages relationships.
But unlike other psychological problems such as anxiety or obsessive-compulsive
disorder, many do not feel brave enough to ask for help with their jealousy.
Sam
So, what can people who struggle with jealousy do? That’s the question Caroline
Steel, presenter of BBC World Service programme, CrowdScience, asked clinical
psychologist, Dr Johan Ahlen.
Caroline Steel
If there was sort of an ideal future for people looking for help with their jealousy,
what would it be like? Could there be a pill? Or would it be a specific therapy? Or
what’s kind of a realistic ideal future?
Dr Johan Ahlen
I believe that some kind of cognitive behavioural therapy where you work with
decreasing this monitoring and checking behaviours like having a plan for how to
do that because that's not easy. And also, at the same time increasing activities or
behaviours that harmonise with how you want to become.
Neil
Unfortunately, Dr Ahlen says jealousy cannot be cured by taking a pill – medicine
in the form of a small tablet that you swallow.
Sam
Instead, he recommends cognitive behavioural therapy, or CBT for short, a
therapy which helps people deal with their emotions by changing how they think
about things. Instead of feeling jealous that your best friend is spending time with
someone else, try feeling happy that she’s made a new friend.
Neil
Good idea - plus I won’t have that horrid feeling of the green-eyed monster inside!
Speaking of which, it’s time to reveal the answer to your question, Sam.
Sam
I asked which famous Shakespearian play first described jealousy as ‘the green-
eyed monster’.
Neil
I said it was Othello. So, was I right?
