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7The secret psychology of dogs and cats: do we ever really know what they are thinking?
June 15, 2025, The Guardian
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Pets have long been a source of comfort and companionship for humans. But are they really trying to console us when we’re distressed or do they just want their dinner?
I am lost in Morris’s eyes. They are brown, almond-shaped and fringed by impossibly long lashes. He looks back at me, softly blinking occasionally, and then reaches out his tongue and licks my cheek, just once.
I’ve been depressed lately, and while I’ve received compassion and support from many dear people, Morris, my 10-year-old terrier, has been one of the greatest sources of comfort. With that reassuring lick, that steady gaze, he’s conveying a message: “It’s OK. Everything will be all right.”
Or is he? Could the look actually be saying: “Those biscuits in the tin … Fancy getting me one?” Was he merely licking a fleck of mayonnaise off my cheek?
Dr Jon Bowen, a behavioural consultant at the Queen Mother hospital for animals in Hertfordshire, waves my doubts away. “I’m sure your dog was showing empathy and support,” he says. “It’s part of why our mutual bonds with them are so powerful.” He also tells me that the close eye contact we shared would have released oxytocin, the bonding hormone – in both of us.
A 2021 study found that 80% of dog owners felt that their pet helped them get through tough times, and I’ve recently spoken to many people who felt the same. Sally Bayly, a yoga teacher from Rye in East Sussex, told me that when her husband, Michel, died in 2020, Lola, their black labrador, became extra attentive to her and her two sons. “It was as if she’d lost one of her pack and was determined not to lose any more,” she said. “Whenever one of us is feeling down, she’ll come over and lie near us, put her head close to us, or lick our hands, face, even clothes.” Lola accompanies Bayly to classes, where she plays an important role: “During relaxation, she walks around quietly, standing near people or sniffing them until they settle. She only lies down on her blanket when she feels everyone is totally relaxed. This helps me to know, too.”
