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8从小我们被教育要做一个“懂事”的孩子，但是你有没注意到，“懂事”在很多时候已经忽略了你自己的感受。做个“懂事的“孩子，对吗？
Sometimes we say ‘懂事’ in Chinese — being sensible — but have you noticed how it often means ignoring your own feelings?
Why is it so incredibly hard to break the habit of people-pleasing? It’s not just about being polite; it’s driven by deep psychological and cultural forces that lock us into the "Good Girl" role.
The core psychological driver is external validation. For many, self-worth becomes entirely dependent on making other people happy. We live for praise, and if we don't get it regularly, anxiety can spike. This extreme need for approval often stems from childhood experiences where a person received either too little or sometimes even excessive validation. This can manifest as relentless perfectionism and a fear of judgment, criticism, and conflict.
Culturally, this behavior is reinforced by deep gender bias. Research shows women are socially conditioned from an early age to be "good," avoiding conflict and seeking approval. The desirable adjectives for women tend to be soft—like compassionate, warm, and loyal. Conversely, men are valued for being strong—including assertive, dominant, and decisive.
The "Nice Girl Trap" forces us into a rigid role where we feel compelled to conform and concede. This leads to the "disease to please," where we ignore our own needs, struggle to say "no," and ultimately get exhausted and burnt out. Breaking free requires recognizing that we are limiting ourselves and choosing authenticity over perpetual approval.
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