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Ex:i can see why you'd feel that way
（calm defensiveness and anger ）
Ex:it sounds like it's important to you (takes off the focus and put on people,i understand your prospective)
1.acknowledging feelings
2.show willingness to listen
Ex:let's take a moment to talk about this
(invite the conversation try to move away rom confrontation)
Ex:help me understand your point of view (collaborative,peaceful way of saying)
Ex:i want to hear what you thinking
(open to a conversation)
3.use softening statements
say sth help to reduce defensiveness invite collaboration
Ex:i might be wrong, but here's how i see it
Ex:that's your point, maybe we can find solution together
(move the focus from blame to problem-solving)
Ex:lets figure it out the best way forward
(implying a solution not evolving in the problem)
Ex:let's take a short break and come back to this
Ex:i think we both need to calm down a bit!
Ex:what will help you better about this?
Role play:
A:look at my bumper, this is your fault! you totally run at that light
B:i can see you are upset, I'm ok, are you OK?
A:I'm ok i think but my car, this is ridiculous!
B:i understand! I'm really sorry this happened, i shouldn't try to make the light let's handle this calmly we can get it sort it
A:this is terrible timing, i was on the way to pick up my kids
B:I'm sorry about that, let's exchange insurance information and take photos of the damage
A:OK! That's sounds good
B:thank you for staying calm! i know it's frustrating let's handle this step by step
A:all right! let's do that