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0After birth, intimacy can feel unfamiliar. Your body has changed, but so can your relationship, your sense of yourself, and what sexuality means to you.
In this conversation, I’m joined by sexologist and author Sanderijn van der Doef to talk honestly about sexuality and intimacy after birth. We explore what can change in a couple’s sexual relationship, why reconnecting with your body can take time, and how partners can find new ways of experiencing closeness and pleasure.
We also question some of the assumptions built into the postpartum six-week checkup. Physical healing matters, but there are questions that a medical appointment can’t answer:
Does this feel good to me? Do I want this? And how do I want to experience intimacy now?
We talk about birth trauma, pornography and cultural expectations, communication between partners, and the pressure to return to a version of sexuality that may no longer feel right.
For me, one of the most important ideas in this conversation is that the goal isn’t necessarily to get back to how things were before having a baby. It’s to understand what your body, your desire, and your relationship need now—and to give yourself permission to discover what intimacy can look like from here.
If intimacy after birth has felt complicated, unfamiliar, or different from what you expected, I hope this conversation gives you space to slow down and ask what you actually want.
In this episode, we explore:
- Why sexuality and intimacy can change after birth
- The difference between physical healing and feeling ready for intimacy
- How birth trauma can affect desire, connection, and sex
- How communication and consent can help partners reconnect
- What it means to listen to your body instead of following a postpartum timeline
About our Guest:
Sanderijn van der Doef is psychologist and sexologist. She is the author of several best-seller books about sexuality education for young children, adolescents, parents and teachers. She is an international expert and leading authority in the field of sexual development and sexuality education of children and young people.
About your host:
Mandy Cai is the founder of The New School of Motherhood. She helps mothers build profitable businesses that honour their capacity, relationships, and ambition, bringing practical strategy together with the inner work that shapes their decisions.
Want to build a profitable business that honours the realities of motherhood?
Explore Mandy’s 1:1 Business Strategy Session to help you conceptualise, strategise, or restructure a business around your life as a mother.
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