每天五分钟听经典英文故事,读绘本,磨耳朵。一对少年把爱当作通往圣洁的路,一路克制与分离,直到彼此再也走不进对方的心门。
Today, Duoji is going to tell you the story of Strait Is the Gate, by the Nobel Prize winner André Gide
They had loved each other since they were children, and both families hoped they would marry
Yet the two of them made a pact
On the day the girl came down to dinner without her cross, the man would leave the next morning
He would not complain, and he would not say goodbye
In the end, she really did take off the cross
And yet, after he was gone, she searched for him the whole morning
If she couldn't bear to let him go, why did she still send him away
This pact began in a white house in Normandy
Jerome's father died young
In the holidays, his mother took him to his uncle's house
There he had two cousins, Alissa and Juliette
The younger one played and laughed with him, but it was the older sister he loved
In front of Alissa, he chose every word with care
One day, passing his aunt's bedroom, he saw a young officer making her laugh
He ran upstairs and pushed open Alissa's door
She was kneeling by the bed, her face covered in tears
Jerome couldn't yet understand her sorrow, but he already wanted to keep every hurt away from her
He held her, and kissed her forehead
Soon after, the aunt left home with her lover
That Sunday, the pastor spoke of the wide gate and the narrow gate
The broad road leads to ruin, he said
But the road to life is narrow and hard to walk
Jerome sat behind Alissa
He thought of the laughter downstairs, and of the room where she had wept
In his heart, the narrow gate slowly became Alissa's door
Only by giving up selfishness and holding himself back could he be worthy to enter
When the service ended, he even made a point of not going to her
He wanted to see her, yet he held himself back
That small ache, he took as proof of his love
They studied Latin together and read the same books
Holding her hand, he said that whatever he hoped to become, it was all for her
But Alissa answered that everyone must walk to God alone
He said, but the one who showed him the way was her
When his mother was very ill, Jerome asked her whether Alissa loved him too
Again and again she answered, yes, and she blessed them both
Later his mother died, and Alissa sent a letter through her father
She was sorry she had never said the words that would have comforted his mother
She told Jerome that she belonged to him more tenderly than ever
Jerome believed that once he finished his studies, they would marry
But when he asked to be engaged, Alissa refused
She wanted to stay with her father
She also said she couldn't marry before her younger sister
At Christmas, Juliette asked him straight out whether he knew whom her sister wanted her to marry
You, she said
Jerome burst out that it was ridiculous
She said she already knew what she had to do
A friend finally pointed it out
Juliette was the one who loved Jerome
In his view, the older sister was stepping aside for the younger
But back inside the house, they saw Juliette accept another man's proposal
Alissa begged Jerome to stop it
Her sister didn't love that man at all
Beside the Christmas tree, Juliette fainted
When she recovered, she still insisted on marrying soon
Later, the younger sister had children
She was busy with her husband's business and the household, and sent word through Alissa that she was well again
Little by little, Alissa admitted that Juliette was truly happy
Hope rose in Jerome again
Studying, traveling, serving in the army, he wrote to Alissa again and again
When he read a passage he wanted to share with her, he wrote an "A" in the margin, the first letter of her name
When Alissa received the gift books, she found his marks beside the lines she loved
She copied those poems into her letters, as if the two of them had read them together all over again
Yet when they truly met, they didn't know how to begin
One day, out walking, he took her hand
The day was hot, and they walked fast, so their palms slowly grew damp with sweat
Finding nothing to say, they finally let go
Afterwards Alissa wrote that they should not meet again
Yet in the same letter, she wrote that she had waited for him a whole morning
And once he left, she regretted saying nothing
From farther away, it seemed, she loved him more
Jerome suggested they stop writing for a while, and in spring return to the farm they knew so well
On the day they met again, she was dressed in white
She stood up, and her sewing slid to the floor
She held out both hands, laid them on his shoulders, and looked at him, smiling
This time it was Jerome who asked for a sign
Whenever she gave it, he would leave
Alissa chose the amethyst cross at her throat
The day she came down to dinner without it would be their last night
He promised
He would not complain, and he would not say goodbye
In the first few days, they trimmed the roses together, cutting the dead branches and tying up the living ones
With their hands busy, the silence no longer hurt
Each night, seeing the cross still there, Jerome felt a little more at ease
At last he brought it up
Since her sister was happy now, couldn't they be happy too
Alissa's face changed at once
She said, "Beside you, I am happier than I ever imagined But we were not made for happiness"
Jerome asked what a soul could choose that was better than happiness
Softly she answered, "Holiness"
He laid his head on her knees and wept
Without her, he said, he could never reach it
That night she wore no cross
At daybreak, Jerome left
Her letter came soon after
She had searched for him a whole morning, she wrote
She wrote that being together was too sweet, and that very sweetness made her uneasy
Yet he still believed that if he kept climbing, even the hardest road would lead him to her
When autumn came again, Alissa seemed a different person
Her hair was pulled tight against her head, and her clothes were dull and rough
The books they had read together were gone, replaced by religious pamphlets
He offered to read to her, but she said she was busy mending, and would not be able to listen
Before he left, they sat on the same old bench
Jerome spoke of his sorrow, and she answered, "You are in love with a shadow"
He was quick to argue back
This was the one he had always loved
How could she be a shadow
Alissa kept her head down, slowly picking a flower apart
She asked why he wouldn't admit that he no longer loved her as he once had
He said, "I have never loved you like this"
But she said the one he held on to now lived only in memory
One day, he would remember only that he had once loved her
Jerome left in despair
He even wondered whether he had placed her too high, and whether the woman before him was the way she had always been
For three years after that, they did not meet
When he returned to the farm, his uncle had died
Jerome wandered by the little gate of the kitchen garden, and suddenly heard Alissa call his name
She had come to wait for him here for several evenings now
She was terribly thin, and she carried the letters he had sent her long ago
She brought out the cross and asked him to keep it for a future daughter, as a keepsake of her
Jerome refused to take it
"Why not give it to her yourself" he asked
Alissa's lips trembled, and she couldn't speak
He caught her in his arms and kissed her lips
She leaned against him and closed her eyes, then begged him not to ruin their love
Jerome knelt before her
He had waited for her sister to marry
He had waited for her sister to be happy
He had thought she simply couldn't bear to leave her father
Now all of that was past
Why still not
Alissa said she had once imagined this love too high
Once they lived as man and wife, it would stop being perfect, and she couldn't bear that
He asked whether she had ever thought about what it would mean if they were never together
She said no
Never
At the little gate of the kitchen garden, she turned
She laid both hands on his shoulders and looked at him a while
Then she shut the gate and drew the bolt
Jerome wept outside for a long time, and never once could step in again
In less than a month, a letter from her sister arrived
Alissa was dead
She had gone alone to Paris, hiding her name and her address, and taken a room in a sanatorium
By the time the family found the place, she was already gone
The cross he had refused to take was on her neck, as she had wished
Then Jerome received the diary she left behind
At last he saw what those days he had thought he understood had been like in her heart
When her sister was happy, she felt sad, and blamed herself
Was it because that happiness didn't need her sacrifice
She asked herself whether she wanted happiness itself, or only the endless walking toward it
She decided she had taken up Jerome's whole heart and blocked his road to God
To let him go further, she had to make him stop loving her
She also wrote of the day he stood behind her reading, and how his breath and warmth made her rise in a hurry
That same night, her father looked at her lying on the sofa and said he seemed to see her mother again
She slept badly that night
Old memories rose up, as if she had done something wrong
But whichever book she opened, she could still hear Jerome's voice
She tried to write words that weren't like his, yet even in resisting him, she was still thinking of him
That autumn she asked herself whether he loved her a little less now
That was what she hoped for, and what she feared
She had never loved him like this
Sometimes she stopped believing her own reasons for fleeing, and yet she still fled
On the night of their last parting, she could neither sleep nor pray
She went back into the dark garden, back to the gate where she had left him outside
She opened it again, hoping he would return
She called out, and groped through the dark
Then she went back inside to write to him
She wrote, tore it up, and wrote again
Slowly the day broke, and the first sounds came from the farm
That letter was never sent
More than ten years later, Jerome saw Juliette again
She asked him to be godfather to her youngest daughter
The child was named Alissa too
She asked him why he still hadn't married
He said there were some things he did not wish to forget
In a small room filled with her sister's old furniture, Juliette asked whether a love without hope could really stay in the heart so long
Did the days blow over it, day after day, without ever putting it out
Jerome said yes, it could
Dusk slowly drowned the furniture
Juliette stood up, then sank back down without strength, her hands over her face
Jerome couldn't tell whether she was crying
Just then, the maid came in carrying a lamp

