Most people think influence is about clever tactics or quick wins. But true, lasting influence is built on trust, emotional intelligence, and understanding how people really think. In this episode of Social Intelligence, Abbie Morano returns to reveal her 5-principle framework for ethical influence — combining biology, psychology, and social dynamics. Abbie breaks down why short-term manipulation backfires, how to guide conversations by giving others control, and why your own emotional regulation is the foundation for building real trust. If you want to increase your influence in high-stakes conversations, negotiations, or leadership, this is the playbook. What to Listen For [00:00:00] Why ethical influence starts with regulating your own emotions [00:04:00] The difference between manipulation and pro-social engineering [00:07:17] Why short-term wins lead to long-term losses [00:10:00] Abbie’s 5 core principles for influence: bio-psycho-social framework [00:15:00] How triggering survival instincts blocks trust and cooperation [00:20:42] The danger of ultimatums—and how they backfire in negotiations [00:23:00] How “structured choices” increase compliance while preserving control [00:26:20] Why authenticity isn’t a tactic—it’s a long-term advantage [00:34:00] The power of “pantsing yourself” to defuse conflict and lower aggression [00:41:00] How self-identity shapes every influence conversation [00:52:47] How to prepare for high-stakes conversations using the full framework [01:00:12] Why emotional regulation is the first step toward true influence A Word From Our Sponsors Tired of awkward handshakes and collecting business cards without building real connections? Dive into our Free Social Capital Networking Masterclass. Learn practical strategies to make your interactions meaningful and boost your confidence in any social situation. Sign up for free at ⁠⁠⁠theartofcharm.com/sc⁠⁠⁠ and elevate your networking from awkward to awesome. Don’t miss out on a network of opportunities! Unleash the power of covert networking to infiltrate high-value circles and build a 7-figure network in just 90 days. Ready to start? Check out our ⁠⁠⁠CIA-proven guide⁠⁠⁠ to networking like a spy! Indulge in affordable luxury with Quince—where high-end essentials meet unbeatable prices. Upgrade your wardrobe today at ⁠⁠⁠quince.com/charm⁠⁠⁠ for free shipping and hassle-free returns. Ready to turn your business idea into reality? Shopify makes it easy to start, scale, and succeed—whether you're launching a side hustle or building the next big brand. Sign up for your $1/month trial at ⁠⁠⁠shopify.com/charm⁠⁠⁠. Need to hire top talent—fast? Skip the waiting game and get more qualified applicants with Indeed. Claim your $75 Sponsored Job Credit now at ⁠⁠⁠Indeed.com/charm⁠⁠⁠. This year, skip breaking a sweat AND breaking the bank. Get your summer savings and shop premium wireless plans at ⁠⁠mintmobile.com/charm⁠⁠ Stop needlessly overpaying for car insurance. Before you renew your policy, do yourself a favor—download the Jerry app or head to JERRY.com/charm Connect with quality therapists and mental health experts who specialize in you at ⁠⁠www.rula.com/charm ⁠⁠ Curious about your influence level? Get your Influence Index Score today! Take this 60-second quiz to find out how your influence stacks up against top performers at ⁠⁠⁠theartofcharm.com/influence⁠⁠⁠. Resources from this Episode Dr. Abbie Marono's website The Upper Hand Check in with AJ and Johnny! ⁠⁠⁠AJ on LinkedIn⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠Johnny on LinkedIn⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠AJ on Instagram⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠Johnny on Instagram⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠The Art of Charm on Instagram⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠The Art of Charm on YouTube⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠The Art of Charm on TikTok Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You only get one shot at a first impression—and most of it happens before you even speak. In this episode, AJ and John break down the four science-backed factors that shape how people instantly judge your presence, confidence, and trustworthiness. Whether you’re walking into a job interview, a networking event, or a first date, you’ll get actionable strategies to control the room from the moment you walk in. From body language and clothing to the psychology of where you stand in a room, this episode reveals the subtle social cues that silently make or break your first impression. Stick around for the 5-minute upgrade challenge at the end to rewire your muscle memory and command attention effortlessly. What to Listen For [00:00:00] Why high-stakes moments make us hyper-aware—and how to stay grounded [00:01:06] Why it can take 10 interactions to fix a bad first impression [00:02:00] The body language science that explains how people judge you in 6 seconds [00:03:00] Why your health, energy, and confidence are silently being evaluated [00:04:27] The “Glow Up” effect: how working out boosts your presence [00:05:00] How to use the “Doorway Drill” to reprogram your posture and vibe [00:07:00] The power of enclothed cognition: how clothes impact your mindset [00:08:57] How style and grooming signal status—without saying a word [00:09:21] Why standing in the shadows destroys your social proof [00:10:44] The 4-step “First Impression Challenge” to prime your body and mind [00:11:00] Visual cue trick to make confident posture automatic [00:12:21] How to walk into any room like you own it A Word From Our Sponsors Tired of awkward handshakes and collecting business cards without building real connections? Dive into our Free Social Capital Networking Masterclass. Learn practical strategies to make your interactions meaningful and boost your confidence in any social situation. Sign up for free at ⁠⁠theartofcharm.com/sc⁠⁠ and elevate your networking from awkward to awesome. Don’t miss out on a network of opportunities! Unleash the power of covert networking to infiltrate high-value circles and build a 7-figure network in just 90 days. Ready to start? Check out our ⁠⁠CIA-proven guide⁠⁠ to networking like a spy! Indulge in affordable luxury with Quince—where high-end essentials meet unbeatable prices. Upgrade your wardrobe today at ⁠⁠quince.com/charm⁠⁠ for free shipping and hassle-free returns. Ready to turn your business idea into reality? Shopify makes it easy to start, scale, and succeed—whether you're launching a side hustle or building the next big brand. Sign up for your $1/month trial at ⁠⁠shopify.com/charm⁠⁠. Need to hire top talent—fast? Skip the waiting game and get more qualified applicants with Indeed. Claim your $75 Sponsored Job Credit now at ⁠⁠Indeed.com/charm⁠⁠. This year, skip breaking a sweat AND breaking the bank. Get your summer savings and shop premium wireless plans at ⁠mintmobile.com/charm⁠ Stop needlessly overpaying for car insurance. Before you renew your policy, do yourself a favor—download the Jerry app or head to JERRY.com/charm Connect with quality therapists and mental health experts who specialize in you at ⁠www.rula.com/charm ⁠ Curious about your influence level? Get your Influence Index Score today! Take this 60-second quiz to find out how your influence stacks up against top performers at ⁠⁠theartofcharm.com/influence⁠⁠. Resources from this Episode ⁠Speak, Memorably: The Art of Captivating an Audience⁠ Check in with AJ and Johnny! ⁠⁠AJ on LinkedIn⁠⁠ ⁠⁠Johnny on LinkedIn⁠⁠ ⁠⁠AJ on Instagram⁠⁠ ⁠⁠Johnny on Instagram⁠⁠ ⁠⁠The Art of Charm on Instagram⁠⁠ ⁠⁠The Art of Charm on YouTube⁠⁠ ⁠⁠The Art of Charm on TikTok⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

If you think good communication means saying more, think again. Emmy-winning journalist and executive coach Bill McGowan joins AJ and Johnny to reveal the science of saying less—but meaning more. From boardrooms to interviews, Bill has coached some of the world’s top leaders (and celebrities) to craft compelling, unforgettable messages—and today, he’s sharing the playbook. In this episode, you’ll learn how to ditch jargon, avoid rambling, and master your “media moment.” Whether you’re giving a presentation, going on a first date, or handling a tough question at work, this is your guide to sounding confident, concise, and charismatic under pressure. What to Listen For [00:00:00] Why overexplaining hurts your credibility [00:03:45] The power of “soundbite thinking” and how to master it [00:07:12] How to speak with authority—without sounding rehearsed [00:10:26] Why strong visuals beat fancy vocabulary in storytelling [00:13:19] The secret to controlling your body language under pressure [00:15:54] Why silence is one of the most persuasive communication tools [00:20:46] The “message box” framework used by media pros [00:26:17] How to be memorable when you only have 30 seconds [00:35:21] Why “smooth talkers” often come across as insincere [00:45:07] How to prep for tough questions without sounding scripted [00:54:32] Final advice: the three words to avoid in every presentation Episode Takeaways * Brevity is credibility: People trust speakers who get to the point * “Soundbite” training prepares you to be remembered—not just heard * Strategic silence creates impact and signals confidence * Storytelling drives emotional engagement more than stats ever can * The best communicators speak with rhythm, not speed * Being memorable isn’t accidental—it’s trained A Word From Our Sponsors Tired of awkward handshakes and collecting business cards without building real connections? Dive into our Free Social Capital Networking Masterclass. Learn practical strategies to make your interactions meaningful and boost your confidence in any social situation. Sign up for free at ⁠theartofcharm.com/sc⁠ and elevate your networking from awkward to awesome. Don’t miss out on a network of opportunities! Unleash the power of covert networking to infiltrate high-value circles and build a 7-figure network in just 90 days. Ready to start? Check out our ⁠CIA-proven guide⁠ to networking like a spy! Indulge in affordable luxury with Quince—where high-end essentials meet unbeatable prices. Upgrade your wardrobe today at ⁠quince.com/charm⁠ for free shipping and hassle-free returns. Ready to turn your business idea into reality? Shopify makes it easy to start, scale, and succeed—whether you're launching a side hustle or building the next big brand. Sign up for your $1/month trial at ⁠shopify.com/charm⁠. Need to hire top talent—fast? Skip the waiting game and get more qualified applicants with Indeed. Claim your $75 Sponsored Job Credit now at ⁠Indeed.com/charm⁠. This year, skip breaking a sweat AND breaking the bank. Get your summer savings and shop premium wireless plans at mintmobile.com/charm Stop needlessly overpaying for car insurance. Before you renew your policy, do yourself a favor—download the Jerry app or head to JERRY.com/charm Connect with quality therapists and mental health experts who specialize in you at www.rula.com/charm Curious about your influence level? Get your Influence Index Score today! Take this 60-second quiz to find out how your influence stacks up against top performers at ⁠theartofcharm.com/influence⁠. Resources from this Episode Speak, Memorably: The Art of Captivating an Audience Check in with AJ and Johnny! ⁠AJ on LinkedIn⁠ ⁠Johnny on LinkedIn⁠ ⁠AJ on Instagram⁠ ⁠Johnny on Instagram⁠ ⁠The Art of Charm on Instagram⁠ ⁠The Art of Charm on YouTube⁠ ⁠The Art of Charm on TikTok⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Most people think confidence means knowing exactly what to say. But in reality, social confidence starts with knowing how to start—not how to be perfect. In this episode of Social Intelligence, AJ Harbinger and Johnny Dzubak break down how to overcome the awkwardness of small talk, crush anxiety before it starts, and connect instantly in any room. You’ll learn the three best ways to open a conversation (even if you’re nervous), why the “question trap” makes you less likable, and how to train your brain to love social situations. Whether you're walking into a party, a networking event, or just standing in line at a coffee shop, this episode gives you the exact tools to go from anxious to magnetic. What to listen for 00:00:00] Why social confidence isn’t about charm—it’s about reps [00:01:32] The hidden reason small talk feels so hard [00:03:06] Three bulletproof openers that work in any situation [00:05:12] The “Q&A-S” method to keep a conversation flowing [00:06:48] Why your brain shuts down in social moments—and how to stop it [00:08:15] Reframing nerves as energy, not anxiety [00:09:43] The exposure ladder: how to train social confidence [00:11:03] One challenge to level up your next five conversations Episode takeaways * Social confidence is a muscle—repetition builds ease * The best openers are simple, contextual, and observational * Avoid the “question trap”—use question, answer, statement instead * Nervousness and excitement feel the same—your label creates your experience * Your brain mirrors your inner dialogue—speak to yourself like you would a friend * Use an “exposure ladder” to gradually rewire social fear into connection * Magnetic people aren’t born—they’re built through consistent reps A Word From Our Sponsors Tired of awkward handshakes and collecting business cards without building real connections? Dive into our Free Social Capital Networking Masterclass. Learn practical strategies to make your interactions meaningful and boost your confidence in any social situation. Sign up for free at ⁠theartofcharm.com/sc⁠ and elevate your networking from awkward to awesome. Don’t miss out on a network of opportunities! Unleash the power of covert networking to infiltrate high-value circles and build a 7-figure network in just 90 days. Ready to start? Check out our ⁠CIA-proven guide⁠ to networking like a spy! Indulge in affordable luxury with Quince—where high-end essentials meet unbeatable prices. Upgrade your wardrobe today at ⁠quince.com/charm⁠ for free shipping and hassle-free returns. Ready to turn your business idea into reality? Shopify makes it easy to start, scale, and succeed—whether you're launching a side hustle or building the next big brand. Sign up for your $1/month trial at ⁠shopify.com/charm⁠. Need to hire top talent—fast? Skip the waiting game and get more qualified applicants with Indeed. Claim your $75 Sponsored Job Credit now at ⁠Indeed.com/charm⁠. Curious about your influence level? Get your Influence Index Score today! Take this 60-second quiz to find out how your influence stacks up against top performers at ⁠theartofcharm.com/influence⁠. Resources from this Episode ⁠Anna Goldfarb on Substack⁠ ⁠Anna Goldfarb on Instagram⁠ ⁠Modern Friendship: How to Nurture Our Most Valued Connections⁠ Check in with AJ and Johnny! ⁠AJ on LinkedIn⁠ ⁠Johnny on LinkedIn⁠ ⁠AJ on Instagram⁠ ⁠Johnny on Instagram⁠ ⁠The Art of Charm on Instagram⁠ ⁠The Art of Charm on YouTube⁠ ⁠The Art of Charm on TikTok⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Modern life has made friendship feel more confusing, fragile, and isolating than ever. In this episode, journalist and author Anna Goldfarb joins us to unpack the paradox of modern friendship — why we’re lonelier despite being more connected, and what we can do to build stronger, more fulfilling relationships. Anna shares her “Triple D” framework (Desire, Diligence, Delight) and breaks down the hidden architecture of great friendships: clear aboutness, healthy compartmentalization, emotional maturity, and the courage to reconnect. Whether you’re tired of being everyone’s unpaid therapist or simply wondering how to revive a drifting connection, this episode gives you the practical tools and emotional insight to reset your social life — no cringe required. What to Listen For [00:00] Why affection alone isn’t enough for deep friendship [00:01:09] What’s changed about adult friendships — and why we’re feeling more disconnected [00:04:16] The hidden cost of unlimited choice and hyper-individualism [00:08:07] Active vs. nostalgic friendships: how to tell the difference [00:11:19] Every great friendship has an “About” — and here’s how to find yours [00:14:39] 6 hard truths about friendship (and how to stop blaming yourself) [00:23:01] Why emotional maturity is the new social skillset [00:33:56] The Triple D framework for building strong friendships [00:44:10] How to avoid being an unpaid therapist (and stop pushing people away) [00:52:34] The Friendship Cleanse: reset your network with clarity and care Episode Takeaways: * Connection isn’t about quantity — it’s about clear shared meaning. Find your friendship “About.” * It’s okay to compartmentalize your relationships. Not every friend needs to be your everything. * Friendships require maintenance. If it matters, don’t let the silence stretch too long. * Maturity means asking: am I showing up the way I want to be treated? * Most people want to reconnect. They’re just waiting on someone to go first. * Make time for delight. Reignite friendships by creating new shared memories — not just rehashing old ones. A Word From Our Sponsors Tired of awkward handshakes and collecting business cards without building real connections? Dive into our Free Social Capital Networking Masterclass. Learn practical strategies to make your interactions meaningful and boost your confidence in any social situation. Sign up for free at theartofcharm.com/sc and elevate your networking from awkward to awesome. Don’t miss out on a network of opportunities! Unleash the power of covert networking to infiltrate high-value circles and build a 7-figure network in just 90 days. Ready to start? Check out our CIA-proven guide to networking like a spy! Indulge in affordable luxury with Quince—where high-end essentials meet unbeatable prices. Upgrade your wardrobe today at quince.com/charm for free shipping and hassle-free returns. Ready to turn your business idea into reality? Shopify makes it easy to start, scale, and succeed—whether you're launching a side hustle or building the next big brand. Sign up for your $1/month trial at shopify.com/charm. Need to hire top talent—fast? Skip the waiting game and get more qualified applicants with Indeed. Claim your $75 Sponsored Job Credit now at Indeed.com/charm. Curious about your influence level? Get your Influence Index Score today! Take this 60-second quiz to find out how your influence stacks up against top performers at theartofcharm.com/influence. Resources from this Episode Anna Goldfarb on Substack Anna Goldfarb on Instagram Modern Friendship: How to Nurture Our Most Valued Connections Check in with AJ and Johnny! AJ on LinkedIn Johnny on LinkedIn AJ on Instagram Johnny on Instagram The Art of Charm on Instagram The Art of Charm on YouTube The Art of Charm on TikTok Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You’ve got names in your phone that make you smile—but when’s the last time you actually reached out? In this episode of Social Intelligence, AJ Harbinger and Johnny Dzubak share four simple, science-backed strategies to reconnect with old friends, former mentors, and professional contacts—even if it’s been years. From “because I thought of you” texts to expert taps and nostalgia sparks, this is your action plan for rebuilding relationships that matter. If you’ve been waiting for the perfect moment to reach out, this episode is your sign to stop waiting and start reconnecting. What to Listen For [00:00:00] Why reconnection matters—and why it feels harder than it actually is [00:03:00] Why people appreciate surprise check-ins more than you think [00:04:30] Strategy #1: The Expert Tap—ask for advice to reignite respect [00:06:30] Strategy #2: The Thoughtful Share—send content that reflects shared interests [00:08:30] Strategy #3: The Nostalgia Spark—use memories to bring back connection [00:09:30] Strategy #4: The Results Loop—follow up on past advice to show impact [00:10:30] Why mentors love hearing the outcome of their guidance [00:12:00] This week’s challenge: Reconnect with 3 people using any strategy Episode Takeaways * Most people love being contacted out of the blue, even if it’s been years * Rebuilding old relationships is often faster and more impactful than making new ones * Use the Expert Tap to ask for advice—it shows respect and reignites connection * Send a Thoughtful Share (article, podcast, project) to rekindle shared interests * Trigger warm emotions through Nostalgia Sparks—photos or throwback memories * Close the Results Loop by showing how someone’s past advice helped you * Reaching out adds real value to others’ lives and strengthens your network long-term * This week: reconnect with one friend, one mentor, and one former coworker Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode of The Art of Charm, we sit down with Dr. Robert Biswas-Diener and Professor Christian van Nieuwerburgh, authors of Radical Listening: The Art of True Connection. Together, they unpack a new framework for transforming your conversations—not with better scripts, but with sharper intention. Drawing from psychology, coaching, and decades of research, we explore the six listening motivations, why “active listening” falls short, and how to avoid the silent killers of connection—like half-listening, politeness, and certainty. Whether you're leading a team, navigating tough conversations, or simply tired of being misunderstood, this episode is a masterclass in making people feel truly seen, heard, and valued. What to Listen For [00:00:00] Introduction [00:03:08] What is Radical Listening and how does it go beyond active listening? [00:06:49] Six listening intentions—and how they change everything [00:09:55] How to set the stage for hard conversations with appreciation, not authority [00:17:34] Why quick, genuine care matters more than long, empty check-ins [00:25:17] The myth of being a “great listener” and what most high performers miss [00:34:33] Why watching yourself on video can instantly improve your listening [00:38:12] What does “listening for” versus “listening to” actually mean? [00:45:33] The real cost of half-listening—and why it breaks trust [00:51:26] How to interject without interrupting—and why it’s actually radical empathy Episode Takeaways: * You’re not being ignored because you're unimportant—people are stuck in half-attention. Flip the script by modeling radical listening. * Start with intention. Every conversation is a choice—validate, influence, learn, support. Know what you’re there to do. * Interruptions aren’t rude if they’re respectful. Interject to amplify, not hijack. * In your leadership, it's not what you say—it’s how you show you care. A 60-second check-in can change someone’s entire day. * Half-listening is worse than not listening at all. Either be fully present—or ask to talk later.The best listeners aren’t born—they’re trained. Develop your awareness like a skill, not a trait. A Word From Our Sponsors Tired of awkward handshakes and collecting business cards without building real connections? Dive into our Free Social Capital Networking Masterclass. Learn practical strategies to make your interactions meaningful and boost your confidence in any social situation. Sign up for free at theartofcharm.com/sc and elevate your networking from awkward to awesome. Don’t miss out on a network of opportunities! Unleash the power of covert networking to infiltrate high-value circles and build a 7-figure network in just 90 days. Ready to start? Check out our CIA-proven guide to networking like a spy! Indulge in affordable luxury with Quince—where high-end essentials meet unbeatable prices. Upgrade your wardrobe today at quince.com/charm for free shipping and hassle-free returns. Ready to turn your business idea into reality? Shopify makes it easy to start, scale, and succeed—whether you're launching a side hustle or building the next big brand. Sign up for your $1/month trial at shopify.com/charm. Need to hire top talent—fast? Skip the waiting game and get more qualified applicants with Indeed. Claim your $75 Sponsored Job Credit now at Indeed.com/charm. Curious about your influence level? Get your Influence Index Score today! Take this 60-second quiz to find out how your influence stacks up against top performers at theartofcharm.com/influence. Resources from this Episode Radical Listening: The Art of True Connection CoachOnAMotorcycle.com (Christian’s site) IntentionalHappiness.com (Robert’s site) Check in with AJ and Johnny! AJ on LinkedIn Johnny on LinkedIn AJ on Instagram Johnny on Instagram The Art of Charm on Instagram The Art of Charm on YouTube The Art of Charm on TikTok Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Moving to a new city can feel like starting over—but it doesn’t have to. In this episode of Social Intelligence, AJ Harbinger and Johnny Dzubak break down a science-backed three-step strategy to plug into a brand-new social circle in weeks, not months. Whether you’re relocating or just looking to shake up your current routine, you’ll learn how to find the right spaces, start meaningful conversations, and turn physical activity into instant connection. Plus, you’ll walk away with this week’s Triple Stack Challenge that jumpstarts your social success. What to Listen For [00:00:00] Why moving is the perfect moment to build a better social life [00:02:00] The danger of bubble living—and how to break out of it [00:03:30] What is a “third place” and why it’s the secret to meeting new people [00:07:30] Johnny’s story: How bartending made him everyone’s first friend [00:09:00] Client story: How Luke built a social circle through a run club and open mic [00:10:00] Framework #2: The “Because Disclosure” to trigger instant trust [00:12:00] How to make small talk meaningful with personal micro-disclosure [00:13:00] Framework #3: Use physical activity to create social glue [00:14:00] Client story: From workouts to racketball to finding your tribe [00:15:00] Weekly Practice Plan: Block time, script disclosures, and test workouts [00:16:00] Triple Stack Challenge: Third place → Opener → Invite Episode Takeaways * Within the first 90 days of moving, forming one close tie can increase happiness by over 50% * Avoid "bubble living" by identifying a third place outside work and home * Repeated presence at third places creates propinquity—we like who we see often * Use “because disclosures” to spark trust and show vulnerability instantly * Even trivial reasons build connection, thanks to Ellen Langer’s Xerox study * Join group physical activities (run clubs, fitness classes, rec sports) for biochemical bonding * Use the Triple Stack: Pick a third place, open with a disclosure, invite to an activity Prep matters—script disclosures, treat social outings like meetings, and take brief notes after interactions to increase recall and follow-up success A Word From Our Sponsors Tired of awkward handshakes and collecting business cards without building real connections? Dive into our Free Social Capital Networking Masterclass. Learn practical strategies to make your interactions meaningful and boost your confidence in any social situation. Sign up for free at ⁠theartofcharm.com/sc⁠ and elevate your networking from awkward to awesome. Don’t miss out on a network of opportunities! Unleash the power of covert networking to infiltrate high-value circles and build a 7-figure network in just 90 days. Ready to start? Check out our ⁠CIA-proven guide⁠ to networking like a spy! Indulge in affordable luxury with Quince—where high-end essentials meet unbeatable prices. Upgrade your wardrobe today at ⁠quince.com/charm⁠ for free shipping and hassle-free returns. Ready to turn your business idea into reality? Shopify makes it easy to start, scale, and succeed—whether you're launching a side hustle or building the next big brand. Sign up for your $1/month trial at ⁠shopify.com/charm⁠. Need to hire top talent—fast? Skip the waiting game and get more qualified applicants with Indeed. Claim your $75 Sponsored Job Credit now at ⁠Indeed.com/charm⁠. Curious about your influence level? Get your Influence Index Score today! Take this 60-second quiz to find out how your influence stacks up against top performers at ⁠theartofcharm.com/influence⁠. ⁠DCM Insights⁠ ⁠The Activator Advantage: What Today's Rainmakers Do Differently⁠ ⁠The Challenger Sale: Taking Control of the Customer Conversation⁠ ⁠HBR: What Today’s Rainmakers Do Differently⁠ ⁠AJ on LinkedIn⁠ ⁠Johnny on LinkedIn⁠ ⁠AJ on Instagram⁠ ⁠Johnny on Instagram⁠ ⁠The Art of Charm on Instagram⁠ ⁠The Art of Charm on YouTube⁠ ⁠The Art of Charm on TikTok Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode of The Art of Charm, we sit down with Matt Dixon, co-author of The Challenger Sale and The Activator Advantage. In today’s conversation, Matt Dixon reveals why the professionals dominating in today’s market aren’t necessarily the most credentialed, but the most proactive. We explore Matt’s research across 3,000 professionals and break down the five business development personas, highlighting the unique traits and habits that make the “Activator” profile the highest performer of them all. Whether you're in sales, consulting, law, or simply trying to future-proof your career, adopting the activator mindset can radically shift how you're perceived and what doors open next. This episode will show you how to stop waiting for opportunity—and start creating it. What to Listen For [00:00:00] Why clients forget about you—and how activators stay top of mind [00:01:14] The 5 business development personas and why activators win [00:09:56] Data shows activators are the top performers—and least likely to fail [00:17:52] How activators manage their network like a pipeline—not a popularity contest [00:24:13] The myth of being annoying: why clients want more outreach, not less [00:33:08] “No” isn’t the end: how activators turn rejection into opportunity [00:39:24] The 4-part insight framework for opening doors with ideas [00:45:57] Why you must prune stale relationships to stay high-impact [00:54:49] The activator approach to events: plan, target, and follow through [01:01:53] Don’t just post on LinkedIn—why DMs and engagement matter more Episode Takeaways: * Activators don't rely on being top of mind—they engineer it by adding value consistently. * Smart professionals build leverage by helping others long before there's anything to gain. * Great client relationships aren’t the result of great work—they're often the cause of it. Build trust early, not just after the sale. * No doesn’t mean never. Activators stay present, learn why they lost, and often get the callback when things go sideways. * Learn to prune. Keep your “inner circle” warm. Everyone else? Let them go. A Word From Our Sponsors Tired of awkward handshakes and collecting business cards without building real connections? Dive into our Free Social Capital Networking Masterclass. Learn practical strategies to make your interactions meaningful and boost your confidence in any social situation. Sign up for free at theartofcharm.com/sc and elevate your networking from awkward to awesome. Don’t miss out on a network of opportunities! Unleash the power of covert networking to infiltrate high-value circles and build a 7-figure network in just 90 days. Ready to start? Check out our CIA-proven guide to networking like a spy! Indulge in affordable luxury with Quince—where high-end essentials meet unbeatable prices. Upgrade your wardrobe today at quince.com/charm for free shipping and hassle-free returns. Ready to turn your business idea into reality? Shopify makes it easy to start, scale, and succeed—whether you're launching a side hustle or building the next big brand. Sign up for your $1/month trial at shopify.com/charm. Need to hire top talent—fast? Skip the waiting game and get more qualified applicants with Indeed. Claim your $75 Sponsored Job Credit now at Indeed.com/charm. Curious about your influence level? Get your Influence Index Score today! Take this 60-second quiz to find out how your influence stacks up against top performers at theartofcharm.com/influence. DCM Insights The Activator Advantage: What Today's Rainmakers Do Differently The Challenger Sale: Taking Control of the Customer Conversation HBR: What Today’s Rainmakers Do Differently AJ on LinkedIn Johnny on LinkedIn AJ on Instagram Johnny on Instagram The Art of Charm on Instagram The Art of Charm on YouTube The Art of Charm on TikTok Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Most networking advice feels awkward, outdated, or downright useless—until now. In this episode of Social Intelligence, AJ Harbinger and Johnny Dzubak hand you three conversation frameworks that eliminate the stress of small talk and turn fleeting chats into lasting relationships. Whether you dread mixers or freeze up trying to sell your value, this episode walks you through one opener, one value exchange, and one graceful exit line that make you the most memorable person in the room. Plus, you'll learn why your follow-up rates are failing—and how to fix them in under 30 seconds. What to Listen For [00:00:00] The "name badge invisibility" feeling and why mixers cause anxiety [00:02:00] Starter Line Framework: Make observations that spark real conversations [00:06:00] Value Exchange Framework: Flip small talk into collaboration [00:08:30] How to offer value without sounding salesy or forced [00:10:30] Client story: How one line turned a stranger into a business partner [00:13:30] The Peak-End Rule and how to leave people remembering you fondly [00:14:30] Follow-up hack: 25% boost in memory with a two-line recap [00:16:00] This week’s challenge: Run the loop—starter, value, exit—and DM your results Episode Takeaways * People consistently underestimate how much others like them—this is called the liking gap * Use context-rich openers that are novel and observational to stand out in any crowd * Instead of pitching, build bridges with value recognition and small favors * A clear, appreciative exit is often the most memorable part of the interaction * The Peak-End Rule means people judge conversations by the emotional high point and ending * Write down just two lines after a conversation to increase your recall and follow-up success * Preparing just three lines before a mixer can turn dread into confidence * Great networking isn't about working the room—it's about running the loop with intent Tired of awkward handshakes and collecting business cards without building real connections? Dive into our Free Social Capital Networking Masterclass. Learn practical strategies to make your interactions meaningful and boost your confidence in any social situation. Sign up for free at ⁠theartofcharm.com/sc⁠ and elevate your networking from awkward to awesome. Don’t miss out on a network of opportunities! A Word From Our Sponsors Unleash the power of covert networking to infiltrate high-value circles and build a 7-figure network in just 90 days. Ready to start? Check out our ⁠CIA-proven guide⁠ to networking like a spy! Indulge in affordable luxury with Quince—where high-end essentials meet unbeatable prices. Upgrade your wardrobe today at ⁠quince.com/charm⁠ for free shipping and hassle-free returns. Ready to turn your business idea into reality? Shopify makes it easy to start, scale, and succeed—whether you're launching a side hustle or building the next big brand. Sign up for your $1/month trial at ⁠shopify.com/charm⁠. Need to hire top talent—fast? Skip the waiting game and get more qualified applicants with Indeed. Claim your $75 Sponsored Job Credit now at ⁠Indeed.com/charm⁠. Curious about your influence level? Get your Influence Index Score today! Take this 60-second quiz to find out how your influence stacks up against top performers at ⁠theartofcharm.com/influence⁠. ⁠Negotiations Collective website⁠ ⁠Scott Tillema’s website⁠ ⁠Scott Tillema on LinkedIn⁠ ⁠AJ on LinkedIn⁠ ⁠Johnny on LinkedIn⁠ ⁠AJ on Instagram⁠ ⁠Johnny on Instagram⁠ ⁠The Art of Charm on Instagram⁠ ⁠The Art of Charm on YouTube⁠ ⁠The Art of Charm on TikTok⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode of The Art of Charm, retired SWAT hostage negotiator Scott Tillema shares his battle-tested four-part framework for leading difficult conversations, defusing high-stakes conflicts, and influencing others with clarity and confidence. Trained by the FBI and Harvard, Scott now brings these skills to the boardroom, equipping leaders with the same life-saving tools he once used in crisis negotiations. Whether you're navigating a tense meeting, resolving conflict on your team, or having a hard conversation at home, this episode will show you how to lead with calm authority. Scott reveals why tactical empathy is more powerful than persuasion, how to control your emotional state when the pressure’s on, and what most people get wrong about timing, tone, and respect. [00:00:00] Introduction [00:02:47] Why your negotiation partner is not your opponent — and how that shift changes everything [00:10:50] The biggest mistake leaders make when trying to influence others [00:16:02] How to mentally prepare for high-pressure conversations using tactical breathing [00:22:34] The transformation that happens when you stop learning and start embodying [00:27:15] How to know when it’s the right time to speak — and when it’s too soon [00:30:46] Delivery over content: Why how you say it matters more than what you say [00:34:19] The four pillars of respect that drive every meaningful negotiation [00:38:40] How autonomy — even in small doses — creates buy-in and trust [00:43:22] A high-stakes negotiation that failed — and what Scott learned from it [00:49:04] Why you should never tell someone you’re reading their body language * You’re negotiating all the time — with your boss, your spouse, your coworkers. If you want influence, connection comes first. * The best negotiators aren't master persuaders. They're master listeners. * Tactical empathy isn’t manipulation. It’s leadership. * People don’t respond to logic — they respond to tone, timing, and emotional safety. * Respect isn’t about politeness — it’s about fairness, autonomy, recognition, and empathy. * Conflict isn’t a threat. It's an opportunity to lead with poise and purpose. Tired of awkward handshakes and collecting business cards without building real connections? Dive into our Free Social Capital Networking Masterclass. Learn practical strategies to make your interactions meaningful and boost your confidence in any social situation. Sign up for free at theartofcharm.com/sc and elevate your networking from awkward to awesome. Don’t miss out on a network of opportunities! Unleash the power of covert networking to infiltrate high-value circles and build a 7-figure network in just 90 days. Ready to start? Check out our CIA-proven guide to networking like a spy! Indulge in affordable luxury with Quince—where high-end essentials meet unbeatable prices. Upgrade your wardrobe today at quince.com/charm for free shipping and hassle-free returns. Ready to turn your business idea into reality? Shopify makes it easy to start, scale, and succeed—whether you're launching a side hustle or building the next big brand. Sign up for your $1/month trial at shopify.com/charm. Need to hire top talent—fast? Skip the waiting game and get more qualified applicants with Indeed. Claim your $75 Sponsored Job Credit now at Indeed.com/charm. Curious about your influence level? Get your Influence Index Score today! Take this 60-second quiz to find out how your influence stacks up against top performers at theartofcharm.com/influence. Negotiations Collective website Scott Tillema’s website Scott Tillema on LinkedIn AJ on LinkedIn Johnny on LinkedIn AJ on Instagram Johnny on Instagram The Art of Charm on Instagram The Art of Charm on YouTube The Art of Charm on TikTok What to Listen ForEpisode Takeaways:A Word From Our Sponsors Resources from this EpisodeCheck in with AJ and Johnny! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What does it actually mean to be "high value" at a networking event—and how can you radiate it without saying a word? In this episode of Social Intelligence, AJ Harbinger and Johnny Dzubak break down how calm, cooperative, and confident behavior—not bravado—builds real influence. They share the science behind why people are drawn to prestige-based status, reveal the nonverbal signals that instantly raise your value, and explain how one client transformed from anxious to unforgettable using a technique you can try this week. If you've ever felt invisible in high-pressure rooms or unsure how to make lasting impressions, this episode gives you the tools to be the most memorable person in any space. What to Listen For [00:00:00] Why high-value presence isn’t about controlling the conversation [00:01:00] The seven-second rule: First impressions are fast and lasting [00:04:00] Emotional contagion and how people feel your value before they hear it [00:07:00] Calm is a power move: How to regulate energy at high-anxiety events [00:12:00] Case Study: How “Aaron” became the standout at a major conference [00:17:30] What to say when you’re caught off guard in a group conversation [00:20:00] How to attract people without chasing them [00:22:00] Three-step challenge to be high value at your next event Episode Takeaways * First impressions are made in seven seconds—calm energy signals confidence * Prestige-based status builds longer, deeper influence than dominance * People feel your value before they assess your skills, thanks to mirror neurons * The AAA Formula—Attention, Acceptance, Appreciation—creates magnetic presence * Exposure therapy helps reduce anxiety and build real confidence under pressure * Elevating others (deep compliments, appreciation) increases your own value * Body language speaks first—prepare before you even enter the room * Being high value isn’t about being loud; it’s about being felt and remembered The Art of Charm Social Intelligence ProgramLooking to quickly improve your social intelligence with support from AJ, Johnny, and their team? Check out the Art of Charm Social Intelligence Program at⁠ intel.theartofcharm.com⁠. A quick application gets you on board. 1. In your next conversation, start by sharing a small vulnerability or flaw 2. When they respond, label the emotion you hear in their story 3. Before leaving, ask for advice (not feedback or validation) Try all three in one conversation and report back what changed, who opened up, and what surprised you.⁠Email AJ⁠ your results * ⁠AJ on LinkedIn⁠ * ⁠Johnny on LinkedIn⁠ * ⁠AJ on Instagram⁠ * ⁠Johnny on Instagram⁠ * ⁠The Art of Charm on Instagram⁠ * ⁠The Art of Charm on YouTube⁠ * ⁠The Art of Charm on TikTok⁠ What to Listen ForEpisode Takeaways:A Word From Our SponsorsThis Week's ChallengeCheck in with AJ and Johnny! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this eye-opening conversation, we sit down with Simone Stolzoff, author of The Good Enough Job, to explore why modern work culture traps so many of us in cycles of burnout, identity crises, and unrealistic ambition. Drawing on research and personal experience, Simone challenges the “dream job” myth and offers a liberating framework: redefine success on your terms. We explore the dangers of workism, the importance of building an identity outside of your career, and the power of setting clear boundaries. For high-achievers who feel stuck on the hedonic treadmill, this episode offers a roadmap to a more balanced, meaningful life — without abandoning your ambition. [00:00:00] Introduction [00:02:26] The real meaning of a “good enough job” — and why it’s not about slacking off [00:08:16] The rise of workism: why your job became your identity [00:13:33] The difference between boundaries and guardrails — and why we need both [00:21:14] The myth of the dream job (and why passion usually follows skill, not the other way around) [00:27:41] How to rebuild an identity outside of work and escape workaholism [00:39:28] The surprising reason people at both ends of the ambition spectrum struggle [00:50:00] Why defining your “enough” number is the antidote to endless striving [00:56:08] Simone’s personal lesson: why time autonomy is his ultimate luxury Episode Takeaways: * Your job should support your life, not become your life. * Stop chasing perfection — a “good enough” job can free you to thrive in other areas that matter. * Identity is like an investment portfolio: diversify it beyond just work. * Intrinsic motivation (mastery, purpose, autonomy) beats external markers of success. * Define your personal “enough” — financially, emotionally, and professionally — or risk falling into the endless “more” trap. * Play, beginner’s mindset, and non-work communities are secret weapons for resilience. Tired of awkward handshakes and collecting business cards without building real connections? Dive into our Free Social Capital Networking Masterclass. Learn practical strategies to make your interactions meaningful and boost your confidence in any social situation. Sign up for free at theartofcharm.com/sc and elevate your networking from awkward to awesome. Don’t miss out on a network of opportunities! Unleash the power of covert networking to infiltrate high-value circles and build a 7-figure network in just 90 days. Ready to start? Check out our CIA-proven guide to networking like a spy! Indulge in affordable luxury with Quince—where high-end essentials meet unbeatable prices. Upgrade your wardrobe today at quince.com/charm for free shipping and hassle-free returns. Ready to turn your business idea into reality? Shopify makes it easy to start, scale, and succeed—whether you're launching a side hustle or building the next big brand. Sign up for your $1/month trial at shopify.com/charm. Need to hire top talent—fast? Skip the waiting game and get more qualified applicants with Indeed. Claim your $75 Sponsored Job Credit now at Indeed.com/charm. Curious about your influence level? Get your Influence Index Score today! Take this 60-second quiz to find out how your influence stacks up against top performers at theartofcharm.com/influence. Simone Stolzoff’s website The Good Enough Job: Reclaiming Life from Work AJ on LinkedIn Johnny on LinkedIn AJ on Instagram Johnny on Instagram The Art of Charm on Instagram The Art of Charm on YouTube The Art of Charm on TikTok What to Listen ForEpisode Takeaways:A Word From Our Sponsors Resources from this EpisodeCheck in with AJ and Johnny! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Charisma isn't just for extroverts or performers—it's a scientific advantage that determines how often you're invited, trusted, and remembered. In this episode of Social Intelligence, AJ Harbinger and Johnny Dzubak reveal why people decide how they feel about you before they evaluate your skills, and how this hidden force might be keeping you from the promotions and relationships you deserve. Through the story of their client Brett—a high-performer who was passed over for promotion despite working harder than everyone else—AJ and Johnny break down why being skilled isn't enough when you're perceived as "cold and unapproachable." They share three counterintuitive, science-backed techniques that transformed Brett from invisible to magnetic in both his professional and social circles. If you've ever wondered why colleagues with average skills get all the credit, or why you keep hearing you're "great at what you do" but still feel invisible, this episode reveals the subtle signals of warmth and connection you might be missing. [00:00:00] Opening introduction to the hidden force of charisma [00:02:54] How charisma opens doors and makes everything easier [00:05:36] Why warmth is judged before competence (Princeton research) [00:07:37] The "processing face" problem that makes you seem unapproachable [00:08:31] How avoiding side conversations kills career opportunities [00:10:53] The Pratfall Effect: How small mistakes make you more likable [00:11:55] The Reflective Label Technique: Mirroring emotions to build connection [00:13:30] The Benjamin Franklin Effect: Why asking for help raises your status[00:16:41] Three-step challenge to boost your charisma this week * People judge your warmth before they judge your skills—without warmth, your competence won't matter * Mirror neurons fire when we converse, creating shared emotional states that build connection * The "processing face" problem: When you're thinking deeply, your expressionless face makes others uncomfortable * The Pratfall Effect: Competent people become more likable when they reveal a small flaw or vulnerability * Reflective labeling shows emotional fluency and makes people feel deeply understood * The Benjamin Franklin Effect: Asking for advice activates others' investment in you and raises your status * Small acts of vulnerability build more authentic connections than maintaining a "mask of competence" The Art of Charm Social Intelligence ProgramLooking to quickly improve your social intelligence with support from AJ, Johnny, and their team? Check out the Art of Charm Social Intelligence Program at intel.theartofcharm.com. A quick application gets you on board. 1. In your next conversation, start by sharing a small vulnerability or flaw 2. When they respond, label the emotion you hear in their story 3. Before leaving, ask for advice (not feedback or validation) Try all three in one conversation and report back what changed, who opened up, and what surprised you.Email AJ your results * AJ on LinkedIn * Johnny on LinkedIn * AJ on Instagram * Johnny on Instagram * The Art of Charm on Instagram * The Art of Charm on YouTube * The Art of Charm on TikTok What to Listen ForEpisode Takeaways:A Word From Our SponsorsThis Week's ChallengeCheck in with AJ and Johnny! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week on The Art of Charm, we're joined by award-winning psychologist and bestselling author Ethan Kross to explore the fascinating science of emotion regulation. In his newest book Shift: Managing Your Emotions So They Don't Manage You, Ethan reveals how emotions secretly drive 90% of our lives—and how mastering them can unlock performance, connection, and fulfillment. We dig into why your emotions feel so overwhelming, why trying harder isn’t the solution, and how building your own mental "toolbox" is the real path to emotional fitness. Whether you're leading teams, raising a family, or striving for personal excellence, this conversation will give you the tactical edge you didn't even realize you needed. [00:00:00] What exactly are emotions — and why are they so hard to define? [00:06:35] How emotions are helpful — until they aren't [00:08:33] Why emotional triggers are unique to each person (and why empathy matters) [00:12:14] The surprising connection between sleep, food, and your emotional resilience [00:16:31] How to design your environment for automatic emotional shifts [00:28:20] The secret to becoming a better emotional advisor for friends, family, and teams [00:37:05] Why belief in your ability to regulate emotions is just as important as skill [00:45:51] When emotional avoidance is actually healthy [00:48:39] How elite performers make emotional regulation automatic (WOOP framework explained) * Emotions aren't irrational noise — they're signals. But they must be managed with tools, not brute force. * Your triggers, emotional responses, and coping strategies are as unique as your fingerprint. Stop copying other people's solutions. * Mastering emotions is like mastering fitness: belief, awareness, and deliberate practice matter more than natural talent. * The environment you live and work in can either sabotage or support your emotional state — design it thoughtfully. * Emotional support isn’t just about listening; it’s about knowing when (and how) to move from empathy to problem-solving. * You can't think your way through every emotional challenge — but you can train yourself to act automatically under pressure. Tired of awkward handshakes and collecting business cards without building real connections? Dive into our Free Social Capital Networking Masterclass. Learn practical strategies to make your interactions meaningful and boost your confidence in any social situation. Sign up for free at theartofcharm.com/sc and elevate your networking from awkward to awesome. Don’t miss out on a network of opportunities! Unleash the power of covert networking to infiltrate high-value circles and build a 7-figure network in just 90 days. Ready to start? Check out our CIA-proven guide to networking like a spy! Indulge in affordable luxury with Quince—where high-end essentials meet unbeatable prices. Upgrade your wardrobe today at quince.com/charm for free shipping and hassle-free returns. Ready to turn your business idea into reality? Shopify makes it easy to start, scale, and succeed—whether you're launching a side hustle or building the next big brand. Sign up for your $1/month trial at shopify.com/charm. Need to hire top talent—fast? Skip the waiting game and get more qualified applicants with Indeed. Claim your $75 Sponsored Job Credit now at Indeed.com/charm. Curious about your influence level? Get your Influence Index Score today! Take this 60-second quiz to find out how your influence stacks up against top performers at theartofcharm.com/influence. Ethan Kross’s website Shift: Managing Your Emotions--So They Don't Manage You AJ on LinkedIn Johnny on LinkedIn AJ on Instagram Johnny on Instagram The Art of Charm on Instagram The Art of Charm on YouTube The Art of Charm on TikTok What to Listen ForEpisode Takeaways:A Word From Our Sponsors Resources from this EpisodeCheck in with AJ and Johnny! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices