The School of Life｜为什么每个人都是孤独的

Why Everyone Is Lonely

One of the reasons why we tend not to make friends as often as we might comes down to a powerful background idea whose full destructive force we may not even be aware of: the belief that any decent person already has all the friends they need.

Somewhere in our minds, the notion has been lodged that only very sad and inept people would – at this stage in their lives – still have a space in their social agenda for a new entrant. Almost everyone else – anyone worth knowing, talented, interesting or good – would long ago have acquired the gang to which they are now continually and irredeemably wedded.

What this punishing idea misses is the extent to which a feeling of loneliness and disenchantment is in reality an ongoing and universal possibility, in no way limited to those of reduced appeal.

Right now, the enchanting actor is (despite the crowds) perhaps lonely; as is the feted concert pianist, the renowned biologist, the skilled airline pilot, the miraculous neurosurgeon and that rather nice-looking person you have just spotted in the corner of the room laughing animatedly with a group of fashionable companions.

It's open to anyone of sensitivity and charm to fail to find the right sort of allies, to have outgrown their friends from school or university, to not have landed on congenial spirits at work or in the sports centre and therefore to be spending a lot of their evenings on their own. And we can know this for certain of other people because we know it, first and foremost, from a very reliable source: ourselves.

We need to battle the modest part of our minds that reads our isolation as a selective punishment and vanquish it with a crucial bit of evidence available directly from our own experience.

Other people who know us at a social level almost certainly find it hard to imagine the degree to which we are exposed to loneliness and how much we would still like to locate a wise, tender, funny and interesting new friend.

We have built a predominantly cold and guarded society by imagining a thesis which we implicitly know to be untrue on the basis of our experience.

The next time we spot an interesting person, we should stop contravening the moral of our own lives. We don't have exactly the right people in our social circle – and nor, most probably, do they. So we can afford to shed our false background ideas of social life – and go up and say hello.

词汇表
come down to 归结为，归根结底是
background idea 潜在想法，先入为主的观念
decent [ˈdiːsnt] 正派的，体面的，像样的
lodge [lɒdʒ] 使植根，使固定，存放，寄存
inept [ɪˈnept] 无能的，笨拙的，不适当的
social agenda [əˈdʒendə] 社交日程，社交事项
entrant [ˈentrənt] 新成员，新加入者；参赛者
gang [ɡæŋ] 一群朋友，一伙，一帮
continually [kənˈtɪnjuəli] 不断地，持续地，频繁地
irredeemably [ˌɪrɪˈdiːməblɪ] 不可挽回地，不可救药地
wed [wed] 使结合 ；结婚
punishing [ˈpʌnɪʃɪŋ] 苛刻的，严厉的；繁重的
disenchantment [ˌdɪsɪnˈtʃɑːntmənt] 失望，幻灭；清醒
of reduced appeal [rɪˈdjuːst əˈpiːl] 缺乏吸引力的
enchanting [ɪnˈtʃɑːntɪŋ] 迷人的，有魅力的
feted concert pianist [ˈfetɪd ˈkɒnsət ˈpɪənɪst] 备受赞誉的音乐会钢琴家
renowned biologist [rɪˈnaʊnd baɪˈɒlədʒɪst] 著名的生物学家
skilled airline pilot [skɪld ˈeəlaɪn ˈpaɪlət] 技术娴熟的航空飞行员
miraculous neurosurgeon [mɪˈrækjələs ˌnjʊərəʊˈsɜːdʒən] 医术高超的神经外科医生
laughing animatedly [ˈænɪmeɪtɪdli] 谈笑风生，开怀大笑
sensitivity [ˌsensəˈtɪvəti] 敏感，感受性，灵敏度
ally [ˈælaɪ] 盟友，伙伴
outgrow [ˌaʊtˈɡrəʊ] 长大而不再， 年久丧失（某种习惯，兴趣等）
land on congenial spirits [kənˈdʒiːniəl] 遇到志趣相投的人
first and foremost [ˈfɔːməʊst] 首先，首要地
selective [sɪˈlektɪv] 选择性的，特定的，不普遍的
vanquish [ˈvæŋkwɪʃ] 战胜，击败，克服
locate [ləʊˈkeɪt] 找到，确定位置，发现
tender [ˈtendə(r)] 温柔的，亲切的，和善的
predominantly [prɪˈdɒmɪnəntli] 主要地，占主导地位地，显著地
guarded [ˈɡɑːdɪd] 谨慎的，有保留的，戒备的
thesis [ˈθiːsɪs] 论点，论题；论文
implicitly [ɪmˈplɪsɪtli] 隐约地，含蓄地，暗中地
contravene [ˌkɒntrəˈviːn] 违反，违背，抵触
moral [ˈmɒrəl] 寓意，教训；道德，品行
shed [ʃed] 摆脱，去除；脱落

🏫翻译、视频版和pdf见公众号【琐简英语】，回复"1"可进入【打卡交流群】