The School of Life｜避雷清单：不要轻易爱上这类人

People not to fall in love with: a checklist

It may sound ungenerous to throw the emphasis on negative, but we can fairly say that people who are good at love know - first and foremost - who not to fall in love with.‍‍

While they may have all sorts of friends and a wide sympathy for the vagaries of being human, when it comes to who they opt to tie themselves to, this is some of what they will avoid with determination:

People who have no sense of how difficult they are to live with.

People with a heightened belief in their infallibility.

People who will, when something is pointed out to them, quickly choose the occasion to simultaneously inform you that: 'It's not as though you're perfect either.'

People who will label any criticism of them (however sensitively delivered) as 'rude' or 'offensive' and contrary to the rules of true love as they define these.

People who deliberately drive you to the edge of frustration, then turn and say: 'why are you getting cross so suddenly?'

People who smile and say, 'I get it completely now; I'm going to change,' and then go and do whatever it was all over again few days later.

People who combine an exquisite talent for upset with an even greater talent for sentimental apology.

People who will flirt with others, then call it 'only a bit of fun' and label you a prude for minding.

People who will mess up your house and call you 'anal' .

People who will prioritise time with their friends over time with you and then call you 'controlling.'

People who tell you you are 'imagining things' a lot.

People who harbour a background grudge against your gender.

People who are furious with a parent and don't realise they are.

People who can't forgive anyone who thinks better of them than they think of themselves.

People who claim desperately to want a relationship - but are inwardly so committed to distrust, isolation and self-hatred that they aren't in any position to really have one, and yet don't know this of themselves.

People who principally associate love with the pleasant feelings they register when you are nice to them.

People who don't take your love as a substantial gift you chose to bestow every day and could take elsewhere.

People who don't realise your time is very, very precious.

People who are far too in pain to know how to want the best for you.

People who refuse to do the necessary work.

Let's remember; the people in the list above comprise some of the most charming, beautiful, vivacious, seductive characters on the planet. But their traits also mean that you will be headed for substantial challenges in any extended involvement with them.

It may take years to work out that they use words like 'love' without knowing what they should entail or that they have systematically or shredded your confidence in your judgement in order to avoid acknowledging a raft of their own difficulties.

Lovers who know to avoid these types are not cleverer than the rest of us. They have just had the good fortune to be looked after early on by people who were tender and sweet and therefore now know how to associate relationships with fulfilment rather than frustration.

Through immense good luck, they simply have no interest in suffering. They have via experience learned one of life's most important lessons: that the point of a relationship is to be mutually delighted by another person. As we may eventually realise, we aren't alive long enough for anything else.

词汇表
checklist ['tʃeklɪst] 清单，检查表
ungenerous [ʌn'dʒen(ə)rəs] 刻薄的，胸襟狭窄的，吝啬的
first and foremost [ˈfɔːməʊst] 首先，首要的是
vagary [ˈveɪɡəri] 反复无常，变幻莫测
heightened belief [ˈhaɪtnd bɪˈliːf] 增强的信念，坚信
infallibility [ˌɪnfæləˈbɪləti] 绝对正确，无误，无懈可击
simultaneously [ˌsɪmlˈteɪniəsli] 同时地
sensitively [ˈsensətɪvli] 谨慎周到地，体谅地，善解人意地
get cross 生气，发脾气
exquisite [ˈekskwɪzɪt] 极度的，剧烈的；精美的，细致的
sentimental [ˌsentɪˈmentl] 煽情的；情感的，伤感的
flirt with [flɜːt] 与…调情
prude [pruːd] 大惊小怪的人，装正经的人
anal [ˈeɪnl] 洁癖的，过于讲究整洁的
harbour [ˈhɑːbə(r)] 心怀，怀有（感情、想法等）
grudge [ɡrʌdʒ] 怨恨，不满，积怨
be furious with [ˈfjʊəriəs] 对…发怒
inwardly [ˈɪnwədli] 在内心，暗自地
distrust [dɪsˈtrʌst] 不信任，怀疑
self-hatred [self ˈheɪtrɪd] 自我厌恶，自我憎恨
principally [ˈprɪnsəpli] 主要地，首要地
register [ˈredʒɪstə(r)] 注意到，意识到
substantial gift [səbˈstænʃl] 丰厚的礼物
bestow [bɪˈstəʊ] 给予，赠予
comprise [kəmˈpraɪz] 包含，由…组成
vivacious [vɪˈveɪʃəs] （常指女性）活泼的，充满活力的
seductive [sɪˈdʌktɪv] 有诱惑力的，有魅力的
be headed for [ ˈhedɪd] 前往，走向，面临
extended involvement [ɪkˈstendɪd ɪnˈvɒlvmənt] 长期的交往，深入的参与
entail [ɪnˈteɪl] 使必要，牵涉
systematically [ˌsɪstəˈmætɪkli] 有计划地，系统地，有条理地
shred [ʃred] 摧毁，切碎，撕碎
a raft of [rɑːft] 大量的，许多的
immense [ɪˈmens] 巨大的，极大的
mutually [ˈmjuːtʃuəli] 相互地，彼此地

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