The School of Life｜我们为何总爱质疑自己过去的决定？

Why Do We Second-Guess Our Past Decisions?

The business of living can be complicated by a particularly exhausting habit: our tendency to question our judgements with the passage of time. What had originally seemed like a clear-cut and soundly-based decision can – after a few weeks or months – come under fresh scrutiny, and inspire intense doubt, regret, shame, insomnia and at points, hurried attempts to reverse a decision.

For example, a few months ago, it seemed absolutely right to end our relationship. We had the partner's faults clearly in view and we were certain that these made any sensible plans for the future untenable. But now we're no longer so sure.

We've been on a few dates and they didn't go too well. We've been by ourselves a lot and as we've been doing the laundry or walking around the park, we've started to remember how funny and clever, sweet and tender our ex could be.

Or, last summer, we knew we didn't have a particularly good time at the beach side resort and vowed to stick to a cooler climate next time. But since then the weather has turned very cold and just recently, we're finding ourselves curious about returning south next year.

Or we told ourselves that we were fully done with a particular career. But we've been reflecting on matters since and happened to bump into an old colleague last week – and are now wondering whether we shouldn't maybe make another attempt.

Or a friend from university has suggested a meal. We found them rather self-centred and dull when we last saw them a decade ago, but they sounded sparky in their invitation and we've agreed to meet them for lunch near the station next week.

In such instances, it can be useful to keep a broad principle in mind. The further away we stand from the moment when we took a decision, the more our judgement is likely to be clouded and corrupted. And this is because of a feature of our minds that – in most areas – serves us extremely well: our capacity to let go of pain.

The very faculty that means we can effectively mourn the death of a pet or a loved one or get over a bankruptcy or endure a drop in income also means that we are likely to revise our views of an ex we worked very sensibly to eject from our lives or that will know within five minutes of remeeting an acquaintance that they are as maddening as they ever were.

We pick apart and dissolve our judgements because we cannot keep a clear eye on the powerful incentives we come under to do so; because we don't notice how indigestible certain truths have become. We abdicate to doubt under intolerable, irrepressible degrees of loneliness and sadness, isolation and confusion.

Of course,  we're going to start to question our views of our ex's strengths and weaknesses after seven weekends substantially on our own being humiliated on dating apps. Of course, we won't remember our friend's dispiriting character when we would so love to have a flourishing social life.

When we wake up and wonder if we have been unfair or hasty, the sternest, most reasonable part of us should know to grab the controls and ask whether a revision to our views is likely to be accurate or simply convenient.

Despite all the pressures we are under to believe otherwise, we should place our faith in the wisdom of a well-worn dictum: trust what you knew then, not what you feel now.

词汇表
second-guess 质疑，重新判断，事后批评；猜测
with the passage of  time 随着时间的推移
clear-cut [ˌklɪə(r) ˈkʌt] 明确的，清晰的
soundly-based [ˈsaʊndli beɪst] 有充分依据的，基础牢固的
scrutiny [ˈskruːtəni] 仔细检查，详细审查
inspire [ɪnˈspaɪə(r)] 引发，激起（某种情感或反应）
insomnia [ɪnˈsɒmniə] 失眠（症）
reverse [rɪˈvɜː(r)s] 推翻，撤销（决定等）
untenable [ʌnˈtenəbl] 站不住脚的，难以维持的
tender [ˈtendə(r)] 温柔的，体贴的
beach side resort [rɪˈzɔːt] 海滨度假村
vow [vaʊ] 发誓，立誓；许愿
bump into [bʌmp] 偶遇，撞见
self-centred [ˌself ˈsentəd] 以自我为中心的，自私自利的
sparky [ˈspɑːki] 活泼的，有生气的
cloud [ klaʊd] 使模糊，蒙蔽（判断力等）
corrupt [kəˈrʌpt] 破坏，损害（判断力、品行等）
let go of 放下，放弃（对过去的执着）
faculty [ˈfæklti] 能力，才能，官能
mourn [mɔːn] 哀悼，悲伤
bankruptcy [ˈbæŋkrʌptsi] 破产，倒闭；彻底失败
revise [rɪˈvaɪz] 改变，修正（观点、看法等）
eject from [ɪˈdʒekt] 从…中驱逐，剔除
acquaintance [əˈkweɪntəns] 熟人，相识的人
maddening [ˈmædnɪŋ] 令人恼火的，使人发狂的
pick apart 拆开，撕碎；严厉批评，挑剔
dissolve [dɪˈzɒlv] （信念、关系等）瓦解，解除，溶解
keep a clear eye on 看清，清楚地认识到
incentive [ɪnˈsentɪv] 动机，诱因；刺激，激励
indigestible [ˌɪndɪˈdʒestəbl] 难以接受的；难以消化的
abdicate to [ˈæbdɪkeɪt] 屈服于，让位于
intolerable [ɪnˈtɒlərəbl] 难以忍受的，无法容忍的
irrepressible [ˌɪrɪˈpresəbl] 无法抑制的，难以控制的
substantially [səbˈstænʃəli] 大大地，相当程度地
dispiriting [dɪˈspɪrɪtɪŋ] 令人沮丧的，使人气馁的
flourishing [ˈflʌrɪʃɪŋ] 丰富的，繁荣的，兴旺的
hasty [ˈheɪsti] 仓促的，草率的
stern [stɜːn] 严厉的，严格的，坚定的
well-worn [ˌwel ˈwɔːn] 老生常谈的，陈旧的
dictum [ˈdɪktəm] 格言，箴言，警句

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