TED｜How to become a K-pop superstar — in 7 minutes

Charlene Kaye | TED • Nov 2025

Hello everyone, my name is Charlene Kaye. I actually started my career out as a pop musician, and after 20 years of grinding in the industry, the way I know that I've finally made it is that I am now ... a stand up comedian.

And today, here at TED, I'd like to talk about something that I have been obsessed with for years, which is K-pop. Do we have any K-pop fans in here?

Oh, nice. If not, don't worry, there's nothing wrong with being a straight dude.

And if you love K-pop and you're a straight dude, are you sure about that?

So you might think that it is extremely difficult to be a K-pop star. You have to move to Korea, you have to do this whole training program, and I'm here to tell you today that that's not true. It's actually really easy to be a K-pop star. Anybody can do it. And I'm going to show every single one of you how in the next seven minutes. Are we ready?

Alright, great. So in K-pop, you have the girl groups and the boy groups.

You want to be in a girl group? So easy -- all you have to do is be super cute, but not too young-looking. Really sexy, but not too slutty. Really badass, but not too masculine. You know, all the things men have to think about.

So when you start the song, you're not going to sing. You're not going to sing. You're gonna talk, lots of vocal fry, you're gonna talk. [Something in Korean] Then you walk, walk, walk, drive a car, shake your hips, fan yourself, lick your lips, shoot a gun, blow a kiss.

Then the main rapper comes in and she has something the first girl doesn't have, which is -- Bangs.

Now I'm gonna rap like a sexy baby. I'm a savage, you all wanna hate me now I'm gonna twerk like Cardi B 'cause the Bronx is a neighborhood in Korea.

And then, you might know Korea is a very Christian nation, so you can't really sing about sex. So instead, you're going to sing about fruit. Eat my strawberry moon. Strawberry sundae. You can eat my tangerine. Cause it's my birthday. Put your face in my peach. My watermelon. Cherries are red and berries are blue. It's not about sex. We just really like fruit.

And then after fruit, logically, you're going to sing about guns. I'm serious. But you have to stay cute. Never mind the guns are illegal to civilians in South Korea. You're really cute, but you're also in NWA.

[N.W.A. The World's Most Dangerous Group]

Alright, now let's talk about the boy groups. First thing you're going to do is join the other members of your group who are 23 ripped twinks, and you're going to rap some sexy nursery rhymes.

Now, how do you do that? You just gotta whisper everything like it is the filthiest thing you've ever said to anyone. It's so easy, just like this.

Twinkle, twinkle little star. Three little piggies go to market. Old MacDonald had a farm. Hey, girl, I'm a little teapot.

Now it's time for the chorus. There are too many of you for you each have your own line. So what are we gonna yell about? Guns!

Then all the dudes yell at the same time. Turn it up, turn it up! It's showtime! A line about a gun. We've never seen a gun. Then we whisper a random food like, pizza, pizza, pizza.

But it's like sexy. Pizza, pizza, pizza. Spending that cheese, I'm hot like a fever.

And now it's a completely different genre. 'Cause there are still 20 dudes who haven't sung yet. We're gonna sing more foods like, ice cream, hot sauce, chicken noodle soup, donut, cherry bomb, butter fondue. It's not about sex, we just really like food.

Let's talk about something that happens with both the girl and the boy groups. And this is something that I call the OBR or the obligatory reggaeton section. And in this section, it is mandatory that you talk about how you're either really cold or really hot. And there's no in between.

Here we go. I'm either really cold or really, really hot. Super, super cold, except when I'm hot. I'm freezing like an igloo, I'm burning up a sweat trying not to sing in a Jamaican accent. "Cold Winter," "Winter Falls," "Goodbye Winter," "Winter Again." "Hot," "So Hot," "Hot," "Hot enough."

These are all real songs, by the way. "Winter Bear," "Winter," "Winter Flower" "Very Hot," "I'm so Hot," "Hot Sauce," "Snow Flower," "Winter Without You," "Hot Hand," "Hot Issue," "Hot Summer."

"Sweet Winter," "The Winter's Tale," "It's Cold." "Like it Hot," "Fire," "Playing with Fire." All these cold songs and all these hot songs. There's no such thing as warm in K-pop.

We've reached the most critical moment of any K-pop song, which is the dubstep dance break for no reason.

Now how do we do this? You're going to do the following moves. Number one, you're going to glitch like you're connecting to dial-up internet in 1999. Then, you're going to make pizza in the Matrix. You heard me. Then you're going to be a horny mime in a glass box. And then finally, you're going to give the angriest massage and end in a pose called The Passion of the Christ.


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