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0The Young and the Dateless: Why Gen Z, Millennial Men Aren’t Approaching Women Anymore
The New York Post |By Asia Grace | 624 words | ★★★☆☆
As fear of seeming creepy grows, many young men are stepping back from approaching women, reshaping the rules of modern dating.
Like many young American men, Ryan Kessler, 28, admits he is nervous about approaching women in person. The problem, he says, is not a lack of confidence but a fear of being seen as pushy or creepy.
“I never want to make the other person feel uncomfortable,” the Manhattan cybersecurity analyst told The New York Post. “Some girls don’t want to be approached at all, so I’m always trying to err on the side of caution.”
As a result, Kessler says his face-to-face interactions with women are limited, even though he hopes to find a serious relationship. He feels much more comfortable using dating apps such as Bumble and Hinge, where people are explicitly open to meeting someone. “A lot of the time, in person, women are not there to be approached,” he said. “So it feels kind of odd.”
His concerns reflect a broader trend. A 2025 survey found that nearly half of single American men experience “approach anxiety.” Among 1,000 men surveyed, 44% said the fear of being labeled “creepy” made them less likely to initiate contact with women.
This hesitation contrasts with what many women say they want. According to the same report, 77% of women aged 18 to 30 and 68% of women aged 30 to 40 said they wished men would approach them more often.
Liv, a woman in her twenties from Long Island, said she admires men who politely introduce themselves. “It’s so admirable, in this day and age, to actually have the nerve and the confidence to go and do that,” she said in a social media video.
At the same time, many women stress that respectful behavior is essential. Lifestyle creator Viv said some men continue pursuing women even after receiving a polite rejection, sometimes escalating into harassment. “I’ve had men follow me,” she said. “I’ve had a man grab me.”
Connell Barrett, a dating coach based in New York City, says the issue is not that women oppose being approached, but that they want to be treated with respect. “Women aren’t saying, ‘Don’t come talk to us,’” Barrett said. “They’re saying, ‘Don’t objectify, harass or disrespect us.’”
He encourages men to adopt a healthier mindset. “You’re looking for love, which is very human,” he said. “It’s OK to say hello to women, as long as you do it with empathy and charm.” Still, not all men feel the effort is worthwhile.
Grant Greenly, 24, says repeated negative experiences have led him to stop approaching women altogether. After being dismissed by women at a club, he concluded that modern dating is too discouraging.
“Approaching women today isn’t worth the hassle,” he said.
Greenly believes social media has intensified the pressure, making some men fear they could be mocked online simply for asking someone out. As a result, he argues that women should be more willing to make the first move. “I don’t see anything wrong with women approaching men for dates,” he said.
Levi McCachen agrees. The 37-year-old said he recently enjoyed being approached by a woman and believes more women should take the initiative. “If you say anything to a guy you think is cute, he’s going to be impressed by your boldness,” he said. McCachen has even urged men to stop making the first move entirely, arguing that dating norms should evolve to reflect modern ideas about equality.
Together, these experiences suggest that the rules of dating are changing. Many men remain interested in finding love, but concerns about rejection, social judgment and misunderstanding have made them more cautious. At the same time, many women say they still welcome genuine, respectful approaches.
For both sides, the challenge may be learning how to navigate a dating landscape where confidence and courtesy matter more than ever.
